It's True. Your very own loony, Jumping Jack flash is running for election in the Fulwell ward of Sunderland as a Member of the
MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY
More election promises coming soon, just remember;
BE SENSIBLE. VOTE LOONY!
Manicfesto lies, sorry, promises
Why waste time? Vote for someone who admits they don’t know what they’re doing!
Tired of nothing getting done?
Sick of hearing about endless meetings, conferences, study's etc. that accomplish nothing but cost lots of money to host?
I can do better!
I can do it at no cost *.
Nothing is ever accomplished at these meetings.......so I won't go!
There you have it. Nothing is done, and all at no cost*.
* Well really it's very low cost, because I do have to take into account lunch.
Okay, lunches if you want me to be completely honest.
If you vote for me I promise I will not fulfill all of my election promises.
How many other candidates can say that?
I will get 100% accomplished because I promise nothing will get done!
BE SENSIBLE. VOTE LOONY!
VOTE JUMPING JACK FLASH
YOUR CANDIDATE FOR THE OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY
PROMOTED BY ANDREW JACK SR6 8DS
READ ON FOR MORE LOONYNESS
Translation: my notes which didn't make it onto the paper flyer!
Do nothing as that will accomplish just as much as the other rabble
Promote growth, plant a politician, the only product with 100% fertilizer.
Campaign for more whoopee cushions in parliament as there is obviously not enough noise being made
Ban all petrol stations so the oil companies can't make so much profit.....Oh and the side benefits, reduce pollution
Ban all politicians as this will reduce pollution
Make Larry the Cat compulsory on all ballot papers.
Make Larry the Cat a lord for being the most intelligent being in the White House
Berate Larry the Cat for not being very good at geography
Successfully work on a worse hair day than Boris Jonson
Not use twitter to air my laundry or make important announcements/changes etc.
Not give my cronies exclusive contracts for public works as I'm not sure how the public works.
To abolish time so that everything gets done all at once to allow more leisure time
Successfully work on a worse hair day than Matt Hancock
Conduct research into the myth that lying in parliament is compulsory
Hogtie the speaker so members can speak their minds
Conduct research into whether members have minds.
Conduct research into why they don't use them.
Hogtie members so they can't speak their minds.
Make it compulsory for members to obfuscate the truth and answer with anything but the truth when asked a direct question....oh wait.....that's already the case.
Make it compulsory for England to play the ball forward and actually play football.
VAR to be used in parliament to remind the right dishonourable gits that what is coming out of their mouths is not the answer to the question being asked. In fact, it is not the answer to any question.
To enlist a management structure specifically designed not to allow managers to make a decision.
To study and ascertain which type of lobotomy is required to become a manager and then outlaw such practices.
To make practicing law illegal installing a system whereby the aforementioned practitioners shall refrain from speaking in tongues whereas in opposition such previous activities could, in fact should, be classified as hogging the stage and the hook should be used as they've practiced long enough and should know better by now.
To encourage growth by fertilizing with aforementioned practitioners.
LOCAL CONCERNS:
In the spirit of the party, promote my own song*
Do nothing because I'll be promoting my own song
Extend HS2 to Seaburn Station thus people from Jarrow just need to hop on the Metro to Seaburn then take the new rail line thus making the walk a lot easier.
Insist the HS2 from Seaburn extends as far south as Seaham.
Insist the only beer served in the House is Red & White**
To provide a circular rail transport system around the north east that has a friendly railway pub at every stop.
Did I mention free milk........stout at every friendly railway pub?
Promise to sing my song at anyone who does not vote for me.
Give any brewery that makes my Red & White beer 0% duty on all sales**
Make Red & White beer compulsory purchases for all vendors.....even if you just sell babies clothes......wait.......especially if you just sell baby clothes
* Red & White my song about Sunderland's F.A. Cup win in 1973.
**Red & White beer. I own the trademark. Anyone know a brewery that wants to make it?
THIS HAS BEEN A VERY SATIRICAL DIATRIBE ON BEHALF OF THE OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY***
***With the emphasis on party
LOONYPARTY.COM
PROMOTED BY ANDREW JACK SR6 8DS